I've imposed a work schedule upon myself. The best part of the schedule is the 25 minutes set aside for morning meditation. I didn't realize how much I needed that until last night when I enjoyed a much needed evening meditation. Sleep doesn't even quiet my mind the way sitting does. I incorporate anything that I'm worried about into my dreams, the most vivid being those just prior to waking up so the images, the dialogue can haunt me for hours. Of course, this is just the first day. I'm sure by Wednesday I will have a blog post titled, "What The Hell Was I Thinking?" but until then, this is where it's at.
One day last week, while driving to work, I had the grand realization that I'd been driving myself to the wrong job for fifteen years. I love the clinic that I'm at now but it's so left-brained that by the end of the day I'm in a muddle and exhausted. I have hardly anything left for myself. I feel depleted.
So my left brain did me a favor for indulging it all these many years. It's created a schedule for my right-brain that includes meditation, free writing, and painting and more writing. I'm liking it. I like it enough to do it again tomorrow and hopefully create a habit for myself. It's a morning thing right now. It starts the day off right. We've (my right brain and left brain) have also agreed not to call the clinic w-o-r-k anymore. We just call it by its proper name, like a friend. My real work, is what I do here, for myself at home. I want to love my work and I love the work that I've created for myself in the morning. I realize that I may stumble, miss a day but I intend to forgive myself and remind myself that it's ok. All I know right now is that it feels right.


