I'm supposed to be making a shopping list. I told myself before going to bed (at 2 a.m.) that I would get up and make a shopping list when I got out of bed this morning. But what did I do? What have I done so far? I've had pie and coffee, that's what. It's very important to test the pie you've made the night before, you see. It's as important as making the pie.
The pie in need of tasting is Malted Chocolate Pecan pie. It's a good pie, but that's it. I'm finding that I like a more traditional pecan pie, you know the kind, the Karo syrup kind of pie. If I'm going to fancy it up, I'll add a little bourbon. I'm not keen on the chocolate and the malt and the sour cream required to put this pie together. It was almost a brownie for all the eggs it took. You've got to trust me, I've got nothing against brownies but if I'd wanted a brownie for breakfast I would have made brownies.
The best remedy for this type of complaint is to move on. I'm thinking Maple Buttermilk Custard. That should clear the taste of fancy pecan pie right off the ol' palate. I don't even need to add anything to my shopping list for the Maple Buttermilk pie because I have lots of maple syrup and a full carton of buttermilk, which brings me back to the shopping list.
The one item that is suspiciously absent from my shopping list is toilet paper. We've been hovering at a roll each in our respective bathrooms which would make me suddenly exclaim, "Ach! I've got to stop at the store tonight for toilet paper!" The promise to purchase toilet paper unto death do us part may as well have been part of our wedding vows. His "until death do us part" task is taking out the trash and recyclables. Whoever goes down first will have to die a lingering death so we'll have time to share with the other the key to our assigned jobs. I'll whisper which aisle the t.p. is in, and he'll have to tell me which day trash collection is. Ah, marriage, it's a miracle how two unsuspecting souls can weave such a tapestry. The hubris of thinking our unions will be unique and adventurous only to discover decades later that it comes down to buying toilet paper and taking out the trash.
Philosophizing about marriage is not what I came here to do. What I wanted to tell you is that I bought toilet paper on Amazon last night. Yes, I did. Now when I die I'll just have to whisper my Amazon password which may or may not be a stringing together all my favorite dog's names. I bought toilet paper online because after groaning about needing to go to the store for the sole purpose of buying the stuff, Michael finally responded with, "Buy it on Amazon," but only half jokingly.
I took it to heart and did a quick search. I chose a brand, a ply, and bingo. Then I noticed that my selection received very poor reviews. People review toilet paper? And here I am berating myself for wasting my time eating pie. I could be wasting my time rating toilet paper. Before I get all judge-y and wag my boney finger at the toilet paper raters I have to give them a shout out of gratitude.
Thank you GirlyMom for telling me the rolls were, "comically small"", and JellyBeanMama for her insight, "they are pathetically small and loosely rolled". Arthur claims, "These are far from big rolls....midget rolls would be more accurate." The people have spoken. I changed my selection and have a guaranteed delivery date of today.
This is technology put to good use. This is evolution. This is one less thing I need to carry in from the car. But you know what? I still need to go to the grocery store. I still need potatoes and celery and something for the potluck at work on Wednesday. It's starting to feel like I'm running out of time, that I can't possibly get everything done.
I hope your holiday doesn't feel like that. Let's all make a promise to just stop and be okay with sitting down for 5 minutes and quieting ourselves. Let's try to be okay with what we already have on hand (says she who shops for tp online). Here's to lighter grocery bags, to peaceful moments and pie.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!